How does an actor in a porn film call in sick if he can’t show up for the shooting? “I can’t come today!”
The best jokes on film, video and Hollywood ★ The doctor puts on a thoughtful face and says: “Very bad, that’s from all the alcohol”. To this his patient, an actor, says: “That doesn’t matter, doctor. I’ll just come back tomorrow when you’re sober again.”
The actor explains: “I take everyone, really every heart by storm. “And what do you do when the weather’s nice? “
Producer to intern: “What can you do?” Intern: “Nothing.” Producer: “I’m really sorry, but all the high-paying positions on this movie have already been filled. “
Cameraman to lighting chief: “You’re certainly not made of wood.” Gaffer says, “Why? Cameraman to cameraman, “Wood works.”
Production manager to the runner: “You are dismissed with immediate effect! ” Runner: “And I always thought, slaves will be sold! “
What do bored extras on a film set have in common with Robinson Crusoe? They’re all waiting for Friday!
The 100 best film jokes ★ What does the young actor who stands up to his hips in water for a cinema film say? “This is over my head!”
The best movie jokes ★ Script girl: “I want to go to Bangkok.” The woman at the travel agency: “Would you like to fly via Athens or Bucharest?” The script girl: “Neither nor! Only over Easter.”
Production manager to the trainee: “Today we are budgeting using computers for the first time: so how much are two computers plus three computers?
Assistant director: “What is the name of a boomerang that doesn’t come back? Stick!” Production manager: “Knowledge is power. I know nothing, it doesn’t matter…”
TV editor discussing the script of a historical television series: “Where was the peace treaty of 1918 signed? The author: “bottom right.”
The director opens the bedroom window: “Look, baby, how lovely the air is this morning.” The starlet: “no wonder, she was out all night too.”
Why can’t most writers in film and television eat pretzels? They can’t get the knot open.
The 100 best film jokes ★ Director to the leading actor: “The zoo has called! The keeper is sorry and asks you to come back.”
Director to young actor: “Every year on your birthday your parents go to the zoo and throw stones at the stork.”
Said the casting agent to the would-be starlet, who asked him for a role: “You have legs like a deer. Not so tender, no, so hairy!”
The producer is sitting in St. Peter’s waiting room. The director comes out the door, takes a breath and says, “I get to stay.” The producer disappears through the door. Half an hour later, God comes out and says, “I may stay.”
The producer to the starlet: “You know, Petra, when I have such great sex like with you, I just forget everything.” – “My name is Susanne!”
Director to psychiatrist: “Doctor, nobody likes me.” Psychiatrist: “What could be the cause?” Director: “That’s what I want you to find out, you moron! …”
The actor: “Mr. Production Manager, I have two questions. One, can I have more salary and two, why not?”
Top 10 movie jokes ★ Actress to another: “Well, how was your garlic diet?” – “I lost ten pounds and all my friends.”
Assistant director to the production manager: “Of course I am as good as I say I am. The production companies are clamouring for me. Last week they let me work on three feature films.”
Producer and his wife are driving in their car when suddenly a herd of cows crosses the road. Does the producer mean, “Well, relatives of yours?” She says, “Yes, by marriage.”
“Defendant, you have insulted a police officer on duty I sentence you to a 300 euro fine! Anything else you wish to say?” – I’d like to, but at these prices…
The set photographer to the cameraman: “Why are there always only Mary and the Christ child in the pictures of the saints?” The cameraman shrugs? Set photographer: “Very simple, Josef had to take the picture.”
Distributor to producer: “Where did you get this beautiful car?” Producer: “From a raffle!” Film distributor: “First prize?” Producer: “Of course not. I organized the raffle!”
Jokes about movies, casting and actors ★ A casting agent approaches a young man whom he meets at the airport. “With your looks and charisma and my help, you could be a movie star!” – Listen, I’m Tom Cruise. – That doesn’t matter. We can change that name.
Actress to producer: “Do I look thirty yet?” “No, darling, not for a long time.”
The doctor to the heavily wealthy actor: “I will cure you, even if it costs me all your fortune!”
What filmmaker can jump higher than the Eiffel Tower? Everybody, the Eiffel Tower can’t jump.
Doctor: “First of all I’ll prescribe some mud baths. Director: “That helps me?” Doctor: “No, but you will get used to the damp earth!”
Producer to Shrink: “I thought we were going to discuss the brain today.” Shrink: “Yes, but we’ll talk about that later, I have something else on my mind today!”
Jesus was a director in Germany: at 30 he still lived with his parents, had long hair and when he did something, it was a miracle.
Film director to production manager: “what happens to gold if you leave it lying around? It gets stolen!”
How’s your new job? The intern: “like paradise!” Friend: “really?” Intern: “yes, I can be thrown out any day.”
Make up Artist: “Your hair is getting grey.” Actors: “no wonder, at her rate of work.”
What are two shy teenagers waiting for in front of a cinema where the latest horror flick can be seen? to 19 other teenagers – because the film is only released from the age of 21.
Actor: “Can I buy you dinner at my place?” Actress: “Why don’t we have dinner first?”
Producer and director watch a report on the TV news about a woman’s suicide attempt. Does the director say, “I bet she won’t jump”? The producer says, “Okay, I say she’s jumping.” Finally, the two see how the woman actually jumps. Does the producer say, “I gotta tell you something: I saw that report today, I knew she’d jump.” Says the director: “I have something to tell you too. I saw the report today, but I didn’t think she’d do it again.”
Outside shooting in the city. Dozens of extras. 2nd AD’s trying to get the crowd under control. The director is visibly annoyed. Director to assistant director: “The kid in the back, the one in the red coat: He’s gotta move more to the right!” The assistant director: “It’s a hydrant …-” “I don’t give a shit what nationality he is!”
Cameraman and production manager during the preview of the motif. An alpine chalet in the mountains. In front of the chalet a long flagpole with Swiss flag. The cameraman tries to estimate the height of the flagpole and asks the production manager for his opinion. The production manager goes to the flagpole, pulls it out of its holder, puts the pole on the ground and walks it down. “3 meters 40 centimeters” is the answer. “Typical” mumbles the cameraman angrily. “You ask for the height and the production gives you the length!”
The 100 best film jokes ★ The director says to the producer: “I spoke to the production manager on the phone. He says it’s not a problem, just a matter of cost.” the producer: “Then it is a problem.
The Hollywood producer to the director: “Finally I got a sports car for my wife.” The director: “What a great trade!”
“A stray hot air balloon flies past a location scout. The balloonists call down: Where are we? The scout: In a hot-air balloon.” – The answer is highly accurate, but useless.
Two Swiss directors sit at the bar and talk. Is one of them bluffing: “My grandfather built the Matterhorn and dug the Gotthard tunnel”. Then the other one says: “That’s nothing! Do you know the Dead Sea? My great-grandfather killed it with his own hands!”
The best jokes about Hollywood and movies ★ The prison guard to the film financier: “Don’t you have any friends? You never get visitors!” The producer: “Of course I have friends, but they don’t need to come visit because they’re all here too.”
The producer to the production manager: “It was a great shoot! Now we’ll have a closing party, an event the film world has never seen before. Everyone should remember it, it should bring joy to everyone and it should cost nothing. What do you suggest?” The production manager: “I suggest you will jump out the window! It’s cheap, everyone will have fun and remember it for a long time!”
Here could be your joke about movies and filmmakers! We are pleased about the sending of new film jokes. Please send us your film joke or funny film quotes about cinema, feature film, films with James Bond or series on TV with the contact form Thank you :-).
Send us your film jokes about filmmakers!
Do you love humor in film as much as we do? We are pleased about the sending of new film jokes. We will gladly put your jokes about movies online here. Please send us your film joke or funny film quotes about cinema, feature film, films with James Bond or series on TV with the contact form.
Why jokes about movies? Filmmaking, as many articles in Filmpuls show, is not a joke after all. It requires a lot of know-how, even more experience and, despite everything, glamour extraordinarily hard work – and this is, not infrequently, hard enough. And that’s why we present on this site the best jokes about movies, Hollywood and video, funny jokes about the film industry and from the film industry. Trailer off! Have fun!